Den Haag Festival 2005
Report & Photo Gallery
13th - 15th May
Klatteweg, 113, Den Haag
Telefoon: 070 - 3543948 or 070 - 3544264
www.ballenaanzee.nl
Tour Report
Thursday / Friday / Saturday / Sunday / Monday
English: Gareth Norris (Cpt), MJ, Jon Kirby, James Kirby, Andy Potapa, Ross McArdell, Ali Gordon & Shandy Hurst .
Dutchies (Germans) : Chris Ek, Myron van der Molen, Robin Van Zantan, Ralph Post, Will Bosman & Willem Djickmeister.
Of course, no SuperHornets tour would be the same without the addition of a goldfish or two. Switcheroo Shandy was the proud fish-bearer for a record 2nd time. <<<
----- Thursday -----
With the journey planned to kick off at silly o'clock on Friday morning it was agreed to meet in Cambridge for pre-tour drinking session. As the SuperHornets descended upon Cambridge from around the country the preparations began. The cider was bought - as you can't get it in Holland, the goldfish were bought - a present for the hosts, and the hats were bought - much easier to identify your drinking partner when slaughtered if they are wearing an identical hat to you!
With the preparations in place it was time to adjourn to the SU bar for some light refreshments. Sad to say that at some point in the last year, someone had ruined the Students' Union bar at APU in Cambridge by rebuilding it on the first floor above the car park and changing it into some gay, trendy squash club bar with the atmosphere of a mute-divorcees-singles night. Still they served purple which was welcome. A few drinking games later and it was time to go back to the evening's accommodation. Everyone was to stay at Ali's house. For those of you who have never been there, the experience can be directly related to spending an evening trying to sleep in a petri dish within the centre for tropical diseases in Washington. Thankfully, the night passed quickly. <<<
----- Friday -----
Up early the next morning to get the 0743 train from Cambridge Station. While everyone was waiting for the train to arrive it was time to 'choose' this tour's fish-bearer. After a fair draw, adjudicated by a random punter, and only the slightest hint of the old-switcheroo, everyone was duly shocked (!!) to find that Shandy had won for the second time on a row! Would you believe it... just goes to show that 17 really is a lucky number.
There's not a great deal to say about the journey to Harwich except that East Anglia has crap railways, crap trains and is almost exclusively populated by web-footed freaks. Still arriving safely in time for the ferry crossing to Hook van Holland had everyone relieved. The journey in Holland to the club made everyone realise two important things the Dutch-German efficiency was noticeable in the public transport and that Chris Ek couldn't direct someone into the sea from an island!
A few hours later (!) everyone arrived at Klein Switzerland, put the tents up in record time and adjourned to the bar - to be greeted by Robert... some Dutch guy in charge. Suffice to say he wasn't going to drink with the SuperHornets so was quickly superfluous to requirements. The teams settled in and the drinking games begun. Within 5 minutes, Gareth had contrived to lose quite badly - mainly thanks to Chris Ek - and was already due to do a funnel. As it was a 'new' funnel and the measurements hadn't quite been worked out, it may have been overfilled. Within seconds Norris bolted to the door only to be confronted by a random Dutchie... "Where are you from?" he asked... while Gareth was clearly about to say "We're not from Ware, that's in Hertfordshire", all he in fact managed to say was "Bleeeuuurrrrrrrrgggghhhhh". It seems as though the SuperHornets had arrived. <<<
----- Saturday -----
It was the second day of tour and already the lazy Dutch ethos had begun to come over the team. The first game was at 1150 so no-one bothered to get up. Another load of Dutchies arrived... Myron (or Lord Byron as he became known) and Fat Ruud (or Ralph) - to add to Robin (Robben) & Chris. The first match was a bit of a surprise. Gute Rusch vs SuperHornets W0-5 (Byron 2, Robin, Shandy & Potty). The playing was sublime with three quality Dutch goals and two shabby English goals. A resounding win for the SuperHornets!
Sadly, this winning run was brought promptly to a close on the next match when a bunch of unpleasant arsey Dutch mongrels beat Potty off the pitch and sneaked the match beyond the SuperHornets reach. Three more SuperHornet goals made it close but in the end it wasn't enough. Gooische Gents vs SuperHornets L4-3 (Byron, Robin & Ruud).
The legend of the SuperHornets had clearly been shared, as the next two matches were walkovers as the oppo cried off. Maybe they were too drunk or too laid back... but the Hornets liked to think that they were just plain scared! With no hockey opponents and Ross & Ali constantly winning games of 'backboard'... it was time to play football instead. All the Dutch were rubbish at this... no wonder the World Cup is never draped in orange!
The evening came around surprisingly quick and with it arrived Will Bosman & Willem Djickmeister. Will was there to catch up but Willem was to be the evening's entertainment as part of the legendary 'Willem's Big Gay Band' although in Holland they called themselves the Hermes House Band. Off to the marquee for the second night running to see if Lord Byron could turn his golden touch on the pitch into a handful of ladies off the pitch... he couldn't. Although maybe Robin & Ruud's dancing wasn't doing him any favours. <<<
----- Sunday -----
With James & Shandy off on a very important mission into town to purchase some 'suspect' DVDs it was left to a rather depleted SuperHornets side to take on all comers. MJ, Gareth & Jonny managed to play 3 straight games on the waterbased - although only one was actually a SuperHornets fixture. Leiden Night Owls vs SuperHornets D2-2 (Random Dutch bloke x2). With the tour drawing to a close there was still time to go into town by the seaside and sample some of the local culture.
After searching for hours it was apparent that there was no culture so a quick meal was had and off into 'Crazy Pianos' it was. It has to be said there was pianos but they weren't crazy. Perhaps a better name for the club would have been 'aggro mongrel bouncers' but you understand how that wouldn't really market the place positively. The piano player was very talented in a strange kind of 'Billy Joel' meets 'The Darkness' kind of way. And James found himself kissing up to the bouncers for failing to follow a simple instruction - apparently 'don't open the doors' means exactly that... who would have thought it? Maybe there was something lost in translation? <<<
----- Monday -----
The final morning and the place looked like a bombsite... and after a bit of scavenging it was clear that it was a crap-no-goodies-left bombsite. There was an eerie feeling of the end of the world as everything was closed and there was no other human life to be seen. Or at least until later when a random cricket match started up nearby... suffice to say that the Dutch have marginally more chance of winning the football World Cup than the cricket world cup... but there are basically shite at both!
With everything packed it was time to head home. The facilities at the club seriously puts English clubs to shame but perhaps the participants could be a little less laid back and actually turn up for their matches... still the Dutch really do know how to party... if not how to drink!
The results table ended up as follows...
| Team | P | W | D | L | F | A | Dif | Pts |
| Hornets | 3 | 1 | 1 | 1 | 10 | 5 | +4 | 4 |
Goals: Lord Byron (3), Robin (2), Potty (1), Shandy (1), Ruud (1) & the random dutch guys that weren't in our team but helped by scoring two goals for us while our strikers went to the bar.
Thanks to both the Dutch and the English players for making it such a great tour, thanks to the organiser Gareth - oh, and special thanks to Shandy for looking after the fish! <<<
MJ
23-May-05