Bournemouth 2002
Easter Festival Tour
Report & Photo Gallery
28th March - 01st April
Chapel Gate, East Parley,
Christchurch, Dorset BH23 6BD
Tel: 01202 581933 Fax: 01202 581933
Tour Report
Thursday / Friday / Saturday / Sunday / Monday
The whole festival was of a lower key than normal. There was just 70 teams rather than the usual 120 and everything was a little somber due to it being the last ever festival. Still that just meant that the remaining teams had to be that little bit louder to make up for it - and with as much hockey as there was drinking that was no problem!
This year's squad comprised of:
Men: Mark Jones, Dougal Davis, Jon Kirby, Andy Potapa, Ryan Matthews, Joe Panter, Simon Riley, Lee Snowdon, Gareth Norris, Andy Hurst & James Kirby.
Woman: Toria Hare, Becks Law, Catherine Dwyer, Mel Clark, Julie Winford & Suzy Abbott.
New Members: Claire Whitehead, Jennie Haywood, Nicole Yost, Natalie Wilson, Scott McArdell, Ross McArdell, Chris Ek, Sophie & Anouk.
----- Thursday -----
A bit of a ragtag start to this years tournament with members of the team scattered around the country and not all being able to get the day off work. Although a nucleus managed to get down to campsite and pick a spot for the team to pitch their tents. The weather was all anyone could ask for brilliant sun and lovely clear blue skies. There was a little pit stop on the way down - not just to Fleet services - by those who had heard the weather report and new it was to be below freezing most nights. Ikea just happened to be having a sale on bedding, so the Hornets stormed in and bought loads of duvets! As usual there was much tent swapping during the tour but this time it was based on necessity... anyone leaving for a late night toilet stop left with an air of Captain Oates about them.
Having got the campsite sorted and having registered the teams it was over to the bar to introduce some of the newer members to Purple Nasties and the classic Hornets drinking games. Simon Riley was particularly pleased to note that there were people worse than him at the 'Cookies' game - namely Mel Clark, Ross McArdell & Lee Snowden (and later in the Weekend Julie Winford proved she was hopeless at it as well).
The evening soon descended into a drinking travesty as Gareth Norris had stocked up on funnels and watering cans - and various Hornets wandered around stitching up the various opposition. Although proceedings would have been much smoother if more people had drunk from the funnel rather than trying to play the last post on it! As usual the team adjourned to Marquee to continue the fun - the same piss-poor DJ was back but this time he was caged up... probably just as well. <<<
----- Friday -----
The first days of games arrived and the customary clamour for starting places could be heard. Of course as the weekend goes on the emphasis shifts from "I'll play this one..." to "Good luck, I'm off to the bar...". Still with the hefty squad at this year's festival it was possible to play and send the substitutes to the pub. A glorious sunny day meant that as well as getting ridiculously drunk everyone could get hideous sunburnet while playing - as you can see from the photos... they did!
Quite an unmemorable game this one and yet another drawn game that should really have been a win for the Hornets. Mixed: Hornets v The Good, the Bad & the Freshers D2-2 (Jones, John Kirby). Jennie Haywood, Ryan Matthews and Andy Potapa all played a blinder. Andy always has at least one good game on tour before drink renders him completely useless.
Mixed Cup 1st Round: Hornets v Streakers L0-3. One of those games on tour that is thoroughly unenjoyable. Playing one of those serious arsehole teams that only come on tour to win the cup and don't go out in the evening in case it hampers their performance the next day. Although to their credit they were very skillful.
Mens Cup 2nd Round: Hornets v Stonkers D1-1 (Norris) - Lost on Flicks. Gareth finally gets his reverse low backhand on target and it dribbles in! A fairly matched game that saw the Hornets waste a good few opportunities to score. Man of the match would have to go to Scott McArdell for saving two flicks. However, the first choice striker Andy Potapa had has weak effort saved as did Lee Snowden & Chris Ek all missed. Flicks scored by Simon Riley, James Kirby & Dougal Davis. Worth noting that Ross McArdell refused to even try... Still next time Shandy can take one... or perhaps it would be better to dress on of the womens side in a beard and let them try!
After plenty of time to defrost during the 2 mixed games that morning, the girls set forth to become tournament stars and play in their first game all alone against the Sturdy Birds. Womens: Hornets v Sturdy Birds L0-2. As we were still awaiting the arrival of veterans Julie and Suzy it was necessary to borrow random strangers right from the start (all too familiar to the girls team). We did manage to find a fine and talented pair, but despite their much appreciated skill and convenient yellow shirts, we presume they must belong to a phantom team, being nowhere visible for the rest of the weekend. A second problem arose when the men's game went into extra time and therefore the hornet's only goalie kit became unavailable. Thankfully Mark Jones came to our rescue in helmet and frankly pointless kickers, part way through. With his surprisingly successful skill and plenty of our own, we only lost 0-2. Not bad for a newly united team, some of whom had not played all season and all of who were quite correctly hung-over.
This game has to go down as a moral victory - it would have been a real victory but Gareth's goal was disallowed for being 'another' low backhand attempt. Mens: Hornets v Barbers D2-2 (Jones 2). Mark Jones scored two goals from suprisingly few attempts and was clearly guilty of hat-trick avoidance by subbing himself off for a bit and then coming back on in defence. Still if he had got three goals in a game the rest of the Hornets would probably have left the pitch in disgust.
The afternoon left time for Toria's second pilgrimage on which she discovered the City of Bath. They were to become trusted and valuable friends, with players Yeng Ng and Melanie Carosi joining us when they could from here in.
Womens: Hornets v Leeds Met D1-1 (Law). Another 'friendly', this time against the all ladies Leeds Metropolitan. Everyone was pissed, as expected by 5pm, and enjoying the luxury of Astroturf, so playing spectacularly well. At least as well as we could considering the rough approach of the opposition. By the second half Becks Law had scored a fantastic goal, but then sadly so too did Leeds who proceeded to. well, beat us up. Nicole received a stick just below her knee resulting in a lot of blood and a trip to casualty (thanks to Simon for driving!), followed just minutes after by a ball to Yeng's head leaving a lump not a dissimilar size. After this full time was agreed at a final draw of 1-1.
The evening began with a massive fireworks display in the main field, unfortunately though it was impossible to see most off it from the clubhouse bar. Still nice to know they made the effort. Would have been better if they'd been quiet fireworks though as sometimes it was hard to hear people's answers during the drinking games.
There main event that night was a 70s disco in the marquee. Very little was done by the Hornets in terms of dressing in costume... mainly cos everyone was still wearing their tour shirts (and a few gallons of beer)! In fact the teams entire contribution was one afro wig and pair of paisley trousers - although there were suspicions that Becks law would have worn those anyway. <<<
----- Saturday -----
Day three of tour and still no win recorded by the Hornets... although there has been a few draws - one of which would have been a win if Gareth's goal hadn't been disallowed. Still everyone was up early training and preparing for the days matches - well that's not strictly true... no-one was up early and when people did get up it was either to get a breakfast beer or to go to Sainsbury's cafe! Still the arrival of Suzy Abbott and Julie Winford was a welcome boost to start off the day.
Womens Cup Quarter-Final: Hornets v Sturdy Birds L0-4. Quite naturally at a huge disadvantage being 10 in the morning, the girls crawled towards their first cup game against the Sturdy Birds, already in the quarter finals. Not good. Where was everyone? Starting late we had just a goalie and 6 players - one of which was good for nothing due to lack of bra (!?!?). So it was also to be our last cup game resulting in a 0-4 loss.
Having played so well in previous matches it was time to let Scott out from between the sticks to play outfield. Judging by the quality of the goal he scored it was a shame that we stuck him back in goal for the following game! Mens: Hornets v Pants L1-4 (S McArdell). Now that is how to score a reverse low backhand!
After an hours break it was time for the first mixed math of the day. Mixed: Hornets v Daventry D3-3 (Ek 2, Whitehead). Two brilliant goals from Chris Ek took the Hornets into the lead, which was followed up by a good individual goal by Claire Whitehead. Both Toria Hare and Nicole Yost played some very nice hockey but unfortunately it wasn't enough to stop Daventry equalising - luckily for Daventry they didn't turn up in time for the match... if they had the Hornets would have recorded their first tour win.
Womens: Hornets v The Purists - Opposition didn't turn up. Clearly the womens side was not supposed to be playing at all on this day, they turned up full-teamed, on time and wearing bras to find no opposition. So, obviously the Hornets were pretty unhappy with second all ladies team The Purists, especially having made particular effort. If only they knew the rare moment missed.
The next game was a complete travesty. Mens: Hornets v Prosthetics L2-4 (James Kirby, Ek). With the truly appalling attacking forwards Andy Hurst, Gareth Norris & Mark Jones a minimum of 30 chances were spurned - Mark hitting the keeper, Gareth fluffing countless low backhands and Shandy thrashing chunks of turf into orbit. All this meant that James and Chris had to come up with the goals, James' goal aided somewhat by the fact that the opposition hadn't realised we had started! Still some brilliant defensive work from Ross McArdell kept the score reasonable.
The one and only winning match from the whole tour. Mixed: Hornets v Infedels W3-0 (Jones, Snowden, Whitehead). In fact the Hornets were so devastating that the opposition gave up at half time. But not before Lee Snowden had notched up his first goal of the tour and Claire Whitehead has managed to take her tally to two and thereby securing third place in the tour top scorers table. If they had played the second half there was a good chance that the Hornets could have come away from the weekend with a lot better goal difference!!
Following some of the finest performances that the hockey field has ever witnessed it was time - once again - to adjourn to the bar. And like the nights before there was probably more beer thrown and spat then there was drunk. And nothing works better than beer to help generate that free loving atmosphere - its was like freshers week all over again.
Joe Panter arrived expecting to bring the tour down to a new level of depravity... unfortunately this year the team had gone there well before he turned up! Some of the Hornets got accosted in the main bar by Southampton. Dougal Davis had his pants ripped/wedgied off and Andy Potapa would have suffered the same fate if only he had been wearing any!
On the more bizarre front some very strange things were going on in the bar - people reading in the clubhouse... suspicions were that it was members of either Bath or Loughborough. In addition to this there was people drinking out of shoes - nice! Hopefully not the ones they were playing in earlier. A hurling competition (into pint glasses from a distance) and the egg game - two guys from an opposing team raced to see who could eat 30 fried eggs quickest... as you can imagine, while there was a winner neither got through the lot without vomiting and wishing they hadn't bothered.
The main attraction of the evening was the live band in the Marquee. A 'classic' live band in the cheesiest sense. All the dire rock classics were turned out and it was certainly a welcome change from Dave Double Decks and his cobby box of crap. <<<
----- Sunday -----
Undoubtedly the most miserable day of tour. It had been raining all night and had continued to rain well into the morning. Plus the clocks had gone forward (not that anyone remembered) and therefore an hour of sleep had been cruelly stolen. Still nothing else for it but a swift trip to town to get some much needed scrag. Sainsbury's Cafe was closed today - not sure that it was a planned closure maybe the Hornets had devastated some of the amenities (yes you Mr Riley). Off to McDonalds instead then.
The first womens game was at 10:00 - although it wasn't 10am but in fact 9am. At least we were sure everyone else had missed the clocks going forward too. More to the point it was raining and, long story short, McDonald's was visited instead of playing Loughborough Village.
Having only arrived the previous night, Joe Panter's only game was a rather bizarre affair in the pissing rain. After the recent drinking activities it was decided that a rule of "no running allowed" was introduced. Although, Anouk didn't seem to be able to get it - but then that's the Dutch for you. It was a Mens game anyway so it was hardly the only rule she got wrong! However, despite our random Dutch girl ringer the result was not favourable to the hornets - although the pace of the game certainly suited the fattest Hornet Gareth. Mens: Hornets v Grape L0-2.
Another womens game was scheduled at 3pm and again no sign of the opposition. Although it had stopped raining by this point, no-show was a little more expected and everyone was far too interested in bar activity anyway.
Later on when the rain subsided and the sun (almost) came out it was time to arrange another match. Having met Bath and realised what a good laugh they were it was time to play them in a friendly. Unsurprisingly we lost! Mixed: Hornets v City of Bath L0-2. However, Catherine Dwyer seemed to be playing like a girl possessed... shame the rest of the team weren't quite up to it. Other standout players for that match were Melanie & Yeng but then we had borrowed them from Bath it wasn't much of a surprise to see them try so hard against their own side - although it has been said that must be the only reason we lost (0-2), game sabotage!
Sadly that afternoon also brought the introduction of an unexplainable thief - the most likely candidate being a toothless old git who professed to be a talent scout... what the hell was he doing watching the Hornets then? Two sticks and, more importantly, Claire's bag went missing from practically underneath us.
Sunday is Finals and Cup presentations day - wonder what they were like? Seems a strange reason to leave the bar - especially when you're not playing in them! Still at least it is a good way of getting all the miserable and serious people out of the bar to make space for the serious tourists! One of the most amusing things from this night was that Scott McArdell had developed permanently maroon eyebrows from all of the flying Snakebite and Black!
Back in the bar some fool decided it would be a great idea to play spin the bottle... great if you have a lot of girls (esp. as they seem to love kissing each other eg. Mel & Becks - photographic evidence in the gallery!), unfortunately (for the men) the Hornets has a lot of men and they all happened to have sat on the sticky side of the table (sabotage suspected from the women)... ugh! Not a pleasant party game (more photographic evidence available in the gallery - clearly Lee Snowden was a lot keener than Scott McArdell)!! The only thing to do was to drink and take the punishment... off to the Marquee again then! <<<
----- Monday -----
As usual Monday resulted in no games played. The organisers had left it open to schedule your own friendlies but everyone was pretty much up for just sitting around and chilling out. In fact there was a real reluctance for the team to leave and go back to reality - not least because of the problems caused by the deprivation of alcohol. Still it was good to reminisce about some of the things that had happened over the past few days.
It was, as expected, a brilliant tour but sad as well. Easter will never be the same without spending it in Bournemouth. It's a real shame that the Bournemouth Festival has come to an end but it means that the Hornets can now try out another venue without missing out on Bournemouth! Preparations are already underway to find a festival for next year that will at least equal the fun had over the previous Easter festivals.
After the weekends action the full results and scorers are shown below:
| Team | P | W | D | L | F | A | Dif |
| Men | 5 | 0 | 1 | 4 | 6 | 13 | -7 |
| Women | 3 | 0 | 1 | 2 | 1 | 8 | -7 |
| Mixed | 5 | 1 | 2 | 2 | 8 | 10 | -2 |
| Total | 13 | 1 | 4 | 8 | 15 | 31 | -16 |
Goals: Mark Jones (4), Chris Ek (3), Claire Whitehead (2), Scott McArdell (1), Jon Kirby (1), Lee Snowden (1), Becks Law (1), Gareth Norris (1), James Kirby (1).
Also good to see many friends from Loughborough back touring again this year - especially Vicky & Owen - as well as new friends from Edge Hill, City of Bath - Melanie & Yeng - and honorary Hornet Kathryn Moore. Of course the Golden Spice Boys promised absence was not to be and they came along with a pretty sorry collection of people that were overshadowed both on and off the pitch - although some members of the Hornets were very pleased to see them return and made sure they knew it! Shame that Clive's Bitches (honest that's their name!) didn't make the journey this year.
All attention is now turned towards the next tour and maybe even some short sevens tournaments. And, of course, the Hornets are preparing for the inevitable big piss-up reunion night that always marks the end of a successful Easter tour! <<<
MJ & Toria - Report 07-April-02